Confession: I am a hypocrite.
This morning, I had a bit of a breakdown.
For months, I’ve been feeling physically and mentally drained. I’ve had very little energy. I’ve gained 10 pounds. I’ve contended with migraines and night sweats and shoulder, neck and back pain, a sprained ankle, a hip that keeps locking up. Last week, I discovered that one leg is actually almost a full inch shorter than the other - and that’s when all my joints are in alignment. I have been walking around my house with one shoe on and one shoe off feeling like a limping, old lady from the Golden Girls.
My skin is sallow. My allergies are kicking in. My fuse is short. I’ve been having crazy types of cravings -- and giving into them. I have been drinking too much.
I’ve been working and reworking my business model - doing all the right things - or not doing enough of the right things. What worked a year ago didn’t work 6 months ago. What worked six months ago doesn’t work now. I’ve felt overwhelmed, defeated, completely down on myself. Lonely. Giving into despair.
Yep, I’m getting real with you.
When my alarm went off at 5:45 this morning, I hit the snooze button - me! - the anti-snooze button queen! But then, I couldn’t go back to sleep - so I dragged my butt out of my bed just before 6am. I'd had yet another lousy night’s sleep filled with night sweats so bad I had to strip down to nothing, take a wet washcloth and put it on the back of my neck and run my wrists under cold water - three different times. I was already exhausted and my day hadn't begun.
I came downstairs and had my hot lemon water while I unloaded the dishwasher.
All I could think was, What is wrong with you? Do something that will change your mindset. Do something to put you back on the path. You know all the right things. Why aren’t you doing them??
I had two coaching calls to prep for. “What a hypocrite,” I said out loud to myself.
I went to my office. I pulled out my reminder list of all the habits I should be practicing every day in order to be a good health coach. And there it was on my daily practice list, plain and astoundingly simple: “match your coaching behaviors to your identity, values and goals.”
BOOM! Why was I feeling like crap? Why was I feeling like a hypocrite? Because my personal actions were no longer in alignment with my identity, values and goals!!
I literally got down on my knees. I cried. I prayed. “Help me remember who I am and what I want!” I got it all out: the self-loathing, the excuses, the sadness.
And then...I forgave myself. Caroline, I told myself, you've never been through menopause before. You do feel different. All these changes and stresses are real. You've been doing the best you can --you just forgot that menopause and aging and your circumstances don't change who you really are.
And then, just like that: I knew what I needed to do.
I spent the next hour rewriting and rediscovering my identity, my values and my goals.
It was REVELATORY!
No wonder I’ve been feeling so lousy and like a total fake. My behavior and actions did not match the values that I truly believe to be the most important to me. No wonder my energy level has plummeted. No wonder my weight has gone up. Ignoring your highest values make you feel BAD. There's literally an internal conflict going on - and it feels like it! And, there are unwanted, negative consequences. After 8 years of being pretty darn steady with my healthy habits and self-care, I reverted right back to some sneaky old habits to numb out new pain, new discomfort and new stress.
Yes, my hormones are definitely changing. Yes, my metabolism is slowing down. Yes, I’ve got some cumulative musculoskeletal issues. Yes, FB ads are a crazy, ever-changing algorithm.
So what does Caroline - who considers two of her highest values to be living a healthy life from the inside out and personal growth - do in these circumstances?
She gets on the trampoline and bounces her ass off for 35 minutes!!
She makes herself a super healthy breakfast plate of 25% protein, 25% carbs and 50% leafy greens.
She chugs water like it’s going out of style.
She preps her head for her clients and helps them to continue to live in alignment with their values. She helps them figure out where the resistance is, where they are living out of alignment. She has two epic coaching sessions!!
Friends, this is everything. Really. It’s not about diets or self-loathing or white-knuckling your way to a number on a scale.
When you can identify what values are most important to you - being an energetic, tuned in mother or grandmother or aunt; being a vital leader in your business or community; being physically an mentally fit to live a longer, more active life; spending quality time with friends and family, making a positive impact for a cause you’re passionate about - then you make that shift internally. Your behavior, your actions honor and reflect what you truly value.
Here’s the secret:
When you act in alignment with your highest values,
You BECOME who you really are - which is, after all, who you want to be.
You can figure this out right now!
What are your most important values?
Break them into 3 categories:
personality or characteristics;
activities and accomplishments;
social ideals, customs and institutions.
These all could be values you already possess or they could be something you admire in someone else, an accomplishment you want to make, a goal you want to reach.
Define them today. Sit down and make a list.
Now ask yourself, How well does my current lifestyle reflect my values?
Chances are, you have some shifting to do.
But the good news is you CAN. Today.
I’m here for you -- and I believe in you.
Questions, answers, a-has? Email me right here: firstname.lastname@example.org
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